Living with Chaos

I’ve always felt a little bit out of place, even as a kid. (Especially as a kid.) I was always that round peg trying to fit into a square hole. Or, more accurately, I was the weirdo that people tried to force into “the box.”

I think that being unique/quirky/weird is a lot harder when you’re a kid; at least it was for me. I felt like I was always messing up. I misinterpreted instructions, was curious about everything, got lost in my small elementary school, etc. I felt confused and often embarassed. Anyone with a similar childhood experience can probably relate to the learned defense mechanism of masking.

When you’ve always been the kid who was picked last, it’s hard to shake the fear of rejection, even well into adulthood. It really wasn’t until I was diagnosed with ADHD that I started understanding why I felt like a string-less kite in a storm.

I like to compare a Chaotic life to a hurricane. You can’t control it or escape it, but you can find the eye of the storm and try to live there.